Yea! We're back up!

On Sunday morning my email account was hit by something and I couldn't access it. Then my blog disappeared completely to which I almost cried with over 3 years of blog posting apparently gone (I had backed it up in November at least)! Thank goodness Blogger got around to reviving my blog, and countless others, from the deep recesses of cyber space. It appears that someone in China is successfully hacking Google/Blogger accounts (although they are not openly admitting it).

So, if you tried to get on and read it Sunday or Monday morning to find it "gone"...we're back!

17th Anniversary

We celebrated our 17th anniversary by going sightseeing to Branson, which is a very touristy place in Missouri. We were not able see any shows, but we had a great time just looking around. I had hoped the leaves would still be on the trees, but that was a little too much to ask for. It was a bit chilly, but we had a fabulous day!

At Table Rock Lake, someone caught us making out. Oh, well!

Nearing Sunset.

Busy Branson traffic. But, we got to look at all the pretty trees.

One of the interesting museums around.

Crazy outdoor exhibits.

A Titanic museum in the Midwest...hmm!

Memories and Blessings

Many of you may read this post and be quite amazed at what I'm about to write. I decided to share this story only because so many people suffer from broken marriages, falling "out of love" or even worse, serious sins that destroy peace and trust. Many people in our society feel broken or damaged. I share this story to say, "I know, I've been there..."

I've been struggling a bit personally and I discovered that many times when I am feeling down and don't know why, I can look back in my past and find an  "event" that brought great sadness happened at the same time of year, often even the same week of the year. A counselor I saw many years ago told me that the body stores "memories" much the same that our minds do, leaving us to sometimes have a "body memory" that our conscious does not always think about, especially if it was from a long time ago. (I have no scientific proof of this, you can look for it if you want.)

So, I realized that I was having a "body memory" issue lately rather than anything going on in my current life. The "memory" that has surfaced was when I left my first husband 18 years ago. I listened to this song as I drove away...



This song still brings the memories to surface. Has that ever happened to you? A song plays on the radio and you can remember listening to that song when something important happened...it doesn't matter if it was happy or sad...some things just impact us strongly. I have always reacted to this song ever since. I heard it on the radio a couple weeks ago and it has been running through my mind ever since.

That is not to say that I hate this song, it actually reminds me of how far I have come from that moment. I sometimes look back and think, "Who was that person who lived through such a horrible time?" It seems like another life to my conscious mind, but my subconscious must still be affected by it. I have such a different life now! I can only thank my Savior for bringing me through such a traumatic time, carrying me when I could not walk the path alone. I will never forget the great love that is given to me and the great blessings in my life. Thank you, Lord, for doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

Mike and I are about to celebrate our 17th Wedding Anniversary! I am truly thankful for him every day! I know that he is my Eternal Companion and that we are meant for each other. Is our marriage perfect? NO! But, we each make an effort to fulfill each other's needs, keep our relationship first, and treat each other like best friends.

Many people assumed that since I had one failed marriage that I would fail at everything else. If you know someone who is divorced, please don't treat them that way. Every marriage deserves the utmost effort by everyone to help it succeed, including encouragement to try again. Had I listened to all those naysayers, I would have missed out on the most wonderful person in my life. (I love you, Mike!)

Behind Every Good Man

I really like John Bytheway's books. This one is a bit short, but touches on some basic things wives can do to uplift their husbands and help them fulfill their duties as fathers and priesthood holders. I like this book a lot better than "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" because it is uplifting and does not tear the women down. Although, he remarks on some similar things as Dr. Laura's books and even quotes her in this book. He also touches on the "Five Love Languages" books which in my opinion are the MOST IMPORTANT books I've read about relationships.

I wish this book was longer and had more scriptural references. I've been thinking about putting together my own little book of marriage quotes and scriptures to help uplift my mind and think positiviely about my husband and marriage.

Favorite Quotes

• Rarely is anyone criticized into change.
• Men talk for information, women talk for interaction.
• Men look for exits. (how long will it take?)
• ...for every negative comment you make, you will have to make five positive comments to erase its effects and break even.
• Men are simple creatures. (not simple minded, just not complicated)

My Thoughts About Mike
I have to say that I have a really fantastic husband. He loves me and the children, always comes home when he says he will, and is thoughtful enough to call me at least once a day. He values my input and listens to me even when I'm ranting or complaining. I have been truly blessed to have him as my eternal companion.

Those who know my history know that I was married before and had a very painful and sad life then. I know that because I have something else to compare my life to that I am possibly MORE grateful than others I see. I know what bad marriages look and feel like...I never want to be there again. That said, I can still see that I need to show my husband how much I love him each day, which I do not always do. Life gets busy and when I'm overwhelmed one of the first things that falls off my plate is a loving attitude. This a major fault of mine and is in need of improvement.

Learning My Place

We moved to Missouri because we felt strongly that this is where the Lord wants us to be. That has not made it easier, however. In fact, I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing here most of the time. I was told today at church that maybe I just have not "learned my place" yet. I was a bit caught off guard by that because a few people over the past week have also remarked to me how different they find the church to be here compared to where they moved from. One is from Tennessee, another from Utah, and another from Oregon. So what do all these places have in common? I was especially surprised that the woman from Tennessee found the church to be so different here.

I'm not even sure that the change that is needed is in the church, maybe I am the one who needs to change. Some things here are by-the-book but most things are the spirit-of-the-law. I've been noticing lots of differences, the most being the lack of commitment. The same five families do most of the work it seems, which is very sad. Then I started to realize that maybe the reason the same five families do everything is because they do not LIKE how anybody else would do them.

I've come to realize that I do have a purpose here and that any change will be slow in coming - both in me and in the circumstances. As I drove home from church today, I had 30 minutes to ponder what had happened at church today. I realized that I had already been thinking about the solution during sacrament meeting, before anything had even come to the surface. I still need to stand tall as an example on moral and ethical standards that are universal to the church regardless of culture. Even if that does not make me popular or well liked. How I go about doing this is still unclear, but hopefully the Lord will provide me with that knowledge along the way.

My last thought was that culture is important. I thought about The Other Side of Heaven when the missionary gets to the islands and realizes that many of his efforts are ineffective to the local populace. He adapts his style and proves he is "one of them", making his teaching effective.

The question is then...what is the answer? Do I need to change to the local culture or does the current thinking here need to change? Since this area seems to be different even than other mid-west states it makes me wonder...

Family Moods

Our family seems to have different "moods"...I guess that is the best way to describe it. We did not have as eventful of a summer as we usually do, leaving everyone feeling a bit antsy about what the Fall will bring. Our lives have changed quite a bit, adjusting to life in "The Ozarks" versus life in the Rocky Mountains, and before that, the Arizona Desert. The changes of location definitely have their advantages and disadvantages. Each location has been an adventure.

I was talking with Mike last week about my concerns in our new location. Chris is the only active Aaronic Priesthood boy in our city. He has a few friends within a 30 minute drive, which makes frequent contact difficult. My children do not attend school, so finding local friends has been difficult, adding in the fact that we live in a duplex and apartment area without a lot of older kids. For Nayna, we have a few young women for her locally, but the majority of her friends are also 30 minutes away.

The very next day after discussing my concerns with my husband, the calls started coming. The kids were invited to a movie, Chris was invited to a birthday party, a concerned new friend asked to help us with our truck repair problem, and so on, and so on. Neither Mike nor I spoke with anyone about our concerns...other than with the Lord.  I know that He heard our concerns and answered our prayers about what we can do to increase social contact for our family.

I still don't know the answers to all our issues, but I do know that Heavenly Father is aware of us and our needs. It seems such a small thing for Heavenly Father to be concerned about. And yet...I am so thankful that He is.

"Barraged by Voices"

Yesterday, Mike played all of the videos available on lds.org. I couldn't help but cry through them all, they have touched me so. I thought about all the things in this world that bring pain and suffering. I also thought of how blessed I am to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am blessed to know my Savior Jesus Christ, His Plan of Happiness, and to partake of the New and Everlasting Covenant.

This video is one that I have felt strongly about for some time. I have worked to limit our entertainment and bombardment with things that "suffocate you with information." The words "Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?" fill me with understanding of one way that Satan is successful with LDS people. He tempts us with over-stimulation, "too much of a good thing" as I have heard it called.

The "Voice of the Spirit" is sometimes hard to tune into. It takes practice. It takes patience. It takes obedience to the commandments of Heavenly Father. It is also something each of us is capable of accomplishing. I know that I need to focus on listening, truly listening, for when I do...it works.

Part-Time Working Homeschool Mom

I've had many questions about how I can possibly work part-time and still homeschool. Well...it is a bit tricky...

Job #1 - Kohl's
I worked a couple years ago part-time at night doing ad-set at Khol's...making a few cents above minimum wage. I often worked from 8pm until 2am two or three days a week, slept until 11am and then we did homeschool until just before dinner. That was difficult. I was always tired and sleeping was sporadic at best. However, the job was easy and I had great friends at work. I took that job to pay for court expenses and had that job when Mike was laid-off, a huge blessing as they gave me extra shifts and daytime work hours to help us get by. The main thing I miss from that job was the discount! Not that I can afford to shop there anymore.

Job #2 - Foster Care
After moving to Flagstaff we decided to become a Foster Family. This is NOT a part-time job, but a 24/7 endeavor to raise traumatized children. I spent all my time doing this and homeschooling was difficult to "fit in" sometimes. However, we learned a great deal from this, grew as a family, and learned to love and serve the less fortunate. We miss many of the children who lived with us and wish we could have kept little Bryce forever. The money was....well it is practically non-existent. Anyone who THINKS foster parents make money doing this is crazy.

Job #3 - Substitute Teaching
My current endeavor is to substitute teach part-time, one or two days a week. So far, so good. I make much more per hour than Kohl's or foster care (which I didn't make anything doing), I can choose to work or not work on any given day, and I can request more or less work days as needed. My young adults are doing the majority of their work while I am gone and I can check their progress, teach concepts that need my extra help, and oversee their education without too much being taken away from our routine. I have installed good work habits with my scholar phase kids and they are doing the same amount of work as if I was here. In fact, I think they are becoming much more responsible students.

Conclusion
Anyway, with our current status financially, I doubt I will be jobless again. We have missions and weddings to prepare for even after all our debts are paid. I miss the stay-at-home days. I had hoped to adopt and continue to be a mom at home, but it appears that this is not to be. **sigh**

Garage Sale Genie!

I always gripe because others find such awesome deals at garage sales and I don't...well I have no room to gripe anymore! The Garage Sale Genie brought me some finds.

Mike and I spent $20 and got all of this...

and this!

Mike was ecstatic because this bike is super light. He has been looking for one like this for awhile. It looks even better all cleaned up and tires pumped. He and Chris have been riding twice already.

The big 4-0

Yep, I hit the BIG 4-0 this week. Being 40 is not too shabby so far...

I had to work on my b-day, but my family took me out to eat at Lambert's Cafe, a local flavor of restaurant that is quite a fun experience! Mike talked about the Lambert's in Sikeston for years. I have heard of the "throwed roll" cafe many times and how much my love wanted to share this experience with me. We tried to go on another occasion but the line to get in wrapped around the building...so we skipped it that day. People drive in from other states to go to Lambert's Cafe. It does live up to the hype. The food is fantastic! The portions are HUGE! Bring your appetite, because this place is an all-you-can-eat heaven.

The next stop was shopping! I admit that I am hard to shop for. I do not like "practical gifts" for birthdays. Never buy me something for the kitchen on my birthday...those things are for the "family" not me. My biggest need is clothing, especially since I am heading back to work. Jeans, T-shirts, and faded flip-flips just don't cut it. So, they took me on a "complaint free" shopping trip. I made the most of my money and was able to find lots of great deals on the clearance racks. After we got into the truck, I said, "OK, you can complain now." and everyone started in on how much their legs and feet hurt. They were real troopers...especially Mike and Chris...who BOTH HATE SHOPPING with a vengeance. Thanks for taking one for mom!

The only downer to my day was to learn that our dear friends, Tom and Joy Payne, lost a son that night. He drowned in another friend's pool during a Family Home Evening swimming party. My heart goes out to them and their family. Dear Joy, you are a wonderful friend and visiting teacher to me, a Young Woman leader to my girls, and a FABULOUS mother. Your dear, sweet Jaxon was loved and cared for in your hands.

TJED Teens Club

In an effort to build the TJED (Thomas Jefferson Education) community and provide activities with peers for my kids, I started a major effort to organize what is already in our area and create new opportunities. One of the questions I am constantly asked is, "Why are you doing this?" People either think I'm a control freak who wants to take over everything or they are waiting for the other shoe to drop and for me to start asking for money. Neither one of these is the case, I want my children to have the kinds of activities that I know will build statesmanship. That is it!

Yesterday we had our first TJED Teens Club meeting. It is basically a class, but set up to be more self-teaching and peer-teaching based. It is a club that I have developed myself after considering many options, curriculum, and other avenues like LEMI projects and commonwealth schools. This area is not ready for something that requires a high level of commitment, but they are ready to participate in simulations and discussions. I can do that!

For our first meeting I expected about 10 people....we ended up with 32. Great turn out! It went well, even though I goofed up a couple of things and forgot to let people break in between hours. Oops!

On the way home from our club meeting Nayna and Chris were so excited and happy. I realized that they needed this club more than I thought. Chris even told me that I "wasn't as bad as he thought I was going to be." I'll take that as a compliment from a 13 year old boy. LOL! They also said that I didn't even embarrass them. Well....that's good!

If you want to check out our club details you can see it at Springfield TJED.

Behaviorism in the Schools

I started my Substitute Teacher training today. Well, all of one hour of it that they provide. The rest was handing us a manual and telling us to study it on our own if we want to be called to sub. I'm fine with that. Basically, the substitute positions are very competitive. They are telling us we should have "business cards" and to "market ourselves" to the schools and teachers so that they will request us often. Hmmpf!

I got to page 5 of my manual and was already stewing about the content.

Students behave or misbehave due to what it happening in the classroom more than the influence of outside factors. If the teacher changes the environment in the classroom, the behavior of the students will change. ~ "Substitute Teacher" manual page 2

So - no students misbehave because they have not been taught to behave? I know it says "more than", but as I read on I found more evidence of behaviorism and less about teaching children what is "right" and what is "wrong." In fact, you cannot categorize any behaviors as "good" or bad".

Do not allow yourself to be led off task by students protests and long, useless discussions. ~ "Substitute Teacher" manual page 5

I guess students must conform...no protesting allowed..."resistance is futile." I'm not saying students should be allowed to do whatever they want. What I am saying is that shouldn't students know why they need to know these things and why they need to participate in class. Discussing these things is useless?

I think I'm going to have a harder time with this than I thought. I hope that I can still take what I know about how people learn and be useful in the classroom without snuffing all forms of discussions. Hopefully I can somehow inspire the students I come in contact with and still perform to a level as to not get fired. LOL!

Book Review: "Phaedo" by Plato

This dialog is longer and is the story of Socrates facing death, and finally taking the poison in prison, surrounded by his friends. The conversation has many interesting subjects, including the existence of the soul and whether it lives on without the body. Many conclusions are correct and many are incorrect. It is truly sad that they did not have scriptures by which to learn the truths that they sought. Rather they leaned unto their own understanding, which had fallacies amongst the truths.

I do believe that Socrates was a great thinker and Plato's records of his teacher and mentor are fascinating. My only warning, like with all of Plato's writings, is to keep your canon close. There are times while I was reading it when I needed to stop and reaffirm the correct stance on spiritual things like the pre-mortal existence of the soul and to cast out teachings of reincarnation. Plato is very convincing and so one must guard against loosing their testimony of certain things, at least that is how it is for me.

I can clearly see where New Age and Humanist worldviews come from and why they are grounded in a few truths amongst their untruths. I'm glad that I read "Understanding the Times" before reading Plato.

Personal Progress Book Holders

For Christmas last year we decided to have a "Home Made Christmas". At first everyone was a bit dismayed and then it turned to confusion over what anyone could possibly make that anyone would want. In the end, it ended up being one of our best Christmas' ever! We got some pretty neat stuff. I also noticed that everyone was more interested in what they gave than what they got.

Personal Progress Book Holder
One of the gifts that Sam made for Nayna was this Personal Progress Book Holder. It folds out, having three pockets for Personal Progress book and journal, For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and the Young Women Camp manuals. Nayna also has a small Book of Mormon in hers.

I found instructions on how to make them here. I decided to make one to try out the instructions. These instructions call for two pieces of fabric and Sam made the one above with only one piece. Obviously the two pieces takes longer, but I like how it turned out.

My fabric is not as cute as Nayna's. I just used left over scraps from the pioneer clothing we made for past treks. I was thinking it would even be cute to make patchwork covers with any scraps we have around. I was thinking it would be cute to personalize them with buttons, appliqué flowers, their name, etc.

I definitely want to do this as a Young Women activity with my Beehives. They all complained about how they can't find their books. Maybe this will help. ;-)

Modesty and Virtue

I have been thinking a lot about this topic and was considering writing a post when I saw this post at Being a Mother Who Knows. I don't think I can say it any better.

I would like to add that I found this little book that has 10 "Truth or Bare?" fashion tests. We implemented these little tests a few years ago with Sam and Nayna. It has worked really well for quick judgements on clothes. However, after reading the post I mentioned above, I would add that we do need to prayerfully consider not just our clothing, but our behavior.

From Bored to Busy

Nayna and Chris' Art - A Combined Effort

I don't know why I always do this, but every time we move to a new place I always feel like we will be eternally bored. Yet in a matter of weeks or a few months our lives are just as busy and hectic as they always are. This move is no different!

We are now busy as bees...

• Callings - Mike is a Sunday School teacher for 16-17 year olds. I am the 2nd Counselor in Young Women's. Chris is 2nd Counselor in Deacons.
• Weekly - Nayna (changed from Marly, she doesn't like Marly anymore) will be in homeschool choir. Chris is still hoping the football team works out. Plus, we have weekly park days for socialization and our Mutual activities.
• Monthly - TJED Teens Club, book colloquium, scout campouts, Temple trips, and church dances (called Super Saturday's here).
• Work - Mike is still working 60-70 hours a week. I am starting my part-time substitute teaching job.
• Volunteering - I am organizing several events including a Face-to-Face with Greatness seminar in October and trying to recruit other speakers for this area. Chris and Nayna help with that as well.
• Daily - Of course we are still homeschooling. I am only working 1-2 days a week. The kids will have their tasks to complete and will suffer the consequences if they have not completed them.

Considering that the St. Louis Temple is a 3.5 hour drive each way and we are trying to go once a month, which takes up a whole Saturday (and 1 1/2 tanks of gas), then I think we have successfully booked all our weekends. LOL! At least the yard is cared for by the owner. I thought our Flagstaff house had a lot of mowing, but Missouri is a whole other story...it MUST be mowed every week or it is a jungle.

New Table! (Well, Almost)

I have been meaning to do this for about 2 years now....paint my table and china cabinet! I was given this table (a Freebie Fairy gift) about 9 years ago. It had an ugly honey-yellow stained top and yellow-white painted bottom. I refinished the table top with a colonial country stain and re-painted the bottom white when we got it. Too bad I don't have old photos to show how much better it looks than when we got it.

Getting Ready to Paint!

I have only completed one part...the table...but doesn't it look awesome!

I Love it!

Mike is at Scout Camp with Chris. Marly and I are not strong enough to take the china hutch apart, so we have to wait for our strong men to come back home to help us with that one. I had hoped to have it all done before they get home **sigh**. I took the leaf back out. We only use it for when we have company.

I should have done this 2 years ago

The Beauty of Core Phase

I did not learn about Leadership Education (TJED) until my children were 13, 10, and 8 respectively. It took me another 2 years to fully get "off the conveyor belt" and begin getting myself in the right mindset to make sure we all had a solid Core Phase. I knew my youngest needed Core Phase for sure, and my other children had things to improve as well. The most difficult realization I came to was that I needed Core Phase work as well, yet I wanted a Scholar Phase. Now!

The Phases are Like A Planet
We often think of the phases of learning in a linear fashion. Our linear thinking would place the phases like this:

Core Phase ---> Love of Learning--> Scholar Phase-->Depth Phase--->Mission Phase--->Impact Phase

Phases of Learning like Earth

It looks as though you complete one phase and then move on to another. This model, however, is not correct. A more correct model is to think in a more "whole picture" fashion. I like to think of the phases as the planet Earth. In the center is the Core, then we add a layer of Love of Learning, then Scholar Phase, then Depth Phase, etc. The Core is still there. The Love of Learning is still there. We are just building upon prior knowledge and skills, adding each new layer to fulfill our creation as an educated person.

Without a strong Core, our planet-self would be hollow, or maybe only have half a core. If we continue our planet model, we know that Earth needs a strong core in order to have gravity work. It also needs the core in order to cycle around the Sun. With an out-of-balance or partially formed core, our Earth would wobble and make a very unstable effort to cycle around the Sun.

My Adult Core Phase (Work and Play)
I needed to correct some "damage" from my past, you know, the things we often call "baggage". Yes, I had some, most of us do. I heard a fantastic speaker, Julie Early, who talked about Adults in Core. I found that her talk was very correct in that I handled my Core Phase in much the same way as she describes it. I focused on figuring out what I needed to repair from the lessons of Core Phase in "Right and Wrong", "Good and Bad", "True and False". I read a few self-help books and applied them in my life (this was work). I put my focus more towards my family in organizing our home life (this was work). I tried to create wholesome family time to nurture relationships (this was play). I studied my central canon and applied the principles of my faith in my life (this was work and play).

The result: a happier life! 

Core Phase - Going Back or Moving Forward?

As my children were already "past" Core Phase ages, I would often refer to "going back to Core Phase" for them, when really we were working on both Core Phase and Love of Learning at the same time. You see, our linear model would make it seem as though only one phase can take place at any given time. This is a fallacy in our conveyor belt thinking. If we embrace the "whole picture" model, we realize that we are always working on the various phases, only adding new layers as we become more mature and ready for the next one. As infants we start out as small planets with only the need to build a strong core, then we add the following layers as our planet grows and matures.

If we are adults and just now learning about the four phases of learning, we have some of those layers already, but we can go inside and fill those layers with the right knowledge and skills while still building our Scholar and Depth phases. At some time we may have lost our Love of Learning, yet we can regain it! We gained some knowledge from our conveyor belt education, but we can round out our Scholar Phase and build upon what we retained by adding more of the classics.

The Beauty Revealed
Being an Adult working on Core Phase is nothing to feel ashamed about. Having youth in Core Phase is nothing to hide or worry about. It is part of the normal progression of life. Leadership Education is not about making sure you are in the "right phase" at the "right age". That is conveyor belt thinking! Rather, we only need to look at the "whole picture", making our main priority to fulfill the measure of our creation.

Cross-posted from In the TJED Trenches.

Blogging for 3 Years and Counting!

I started this blog on July 5, 2007! It is hard to believe that I have been recording my deep dark secrets, reporting my mistakes for the whole world to read, and making a fool of myself at times over silly things. But, I have enjoyed the technology and the opportunity to write. Who knows, maybe someday I'll get around to finishing that novel I've always wanted to write.

We've had a lot of changes...moved twice (Flagstaff and Missouri), had foster children, Sam moved out and then graduated (isn't it supposed to go the other way around?), lost a job, and I've had a couple different jobs along the way, not to mention the all encompassing Educational Life we lead. I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world!

Thank you for reading!

Mission: Organization

I know a lot of you already think I'm organized. This is a learned talent that Mike has helped me to learn over the years. He is a highly organized person - "Everything has a place and it belongs in it's place any time it is not in use." I truly appreciate his dedication to cleanliness and order even if it is a step above my comfort zone sometimes. I was able to unpack a few more boxes of books that were sitting in the garage with no place to go, utilizing our new Freebie Fairy gifts. This smaller bookshelf now houses all our church oriented books, both fiction and non-fiction, plus a few small photo albums (not pictured).

My bedroom has been were I pile all the things that need to be filed, worked on, organized, stored, looked at again, etc. Mike hates these piles. I do not love them either, but I see them as a necessary evil since I do not have a desk anymore. This tall shelving unit from the Freebie Fairy is making my honey very happy as my mess turns to organized chaos.

You may be wondering why I have a computer by bed. That is a Linux Server that Chris and I are working on. We are currently stumped about getting it to work right. Everything is installed, but not everything has the right settings yet.

Tomorrow --- Dining Room and Desk Mess!