Giving Thanks

Every year I usually list all the things I am thankful for in an effort to recognize my blessings, more, recognize Heavenly Father's hand in my life, and have a more positive attitude. While I love doing that each year, this year felt like something else was needed...a change...in my thinking, attitude, and behavior.

I prepared two Young Women lessons this month, one on Attitude and one on Giving Thanks. Both lessons were profoundly personal for me as I recognized areas I need to improve...still! After years of working on myself, especially my attitude, I can still see so much room for improvement that it sometimes gets very discouraging. So discouraging that I feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied with myself as a person.

The Challenge
I decided to challenge myself with a new Thanksgiving tradition...to be thankful for people and not just a list of things (which often included people). The list of things is a great starting point, but I felt that my focus was on little things sometimes, which are important to recognize as well, but I think for me, I needed to focus on the people I am thankful for and the relationships in my life.

So, I embarked on a plan to give thanks for various people in my life. This has worked so-so...it has been more challenging than I thought. It is easy to be thankful for things, they are easy to list, but how do I show gratitude for people? I realized I needed to be more vocally thankful for individuals in my life.

So, thanks peeps! I am so thankful for my core family (pictured above), my extended family, all of our friends, our ward family, and our homeschooling friends. We have so many friends from former wards that we love and miss!

This year as we embarked on the Missouri Adventure, it has been very apparent to me that what I miss the most from Arizona is the people we love that we left behind. I do not miss the desert, but we very much miss our family and friends.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Mission: Organization

I know a lot of you already think I'm organized. This is a learned talent that Mike has helped me to learn over the years. He is a highly organized person - "Everything has a place and it belongs in it's place any time it is not in use." I truly appreciate his dedication to cleanliness and order even if it is a step above my comfort zone sometimes. I was able to unpack a few more boxes of books that were sitting in the garage with no place to go, utilizing our new Freebie Fairy gifts. This smaller bookshelf now houses all our church oriented books, both fiction and non-fiction, plus a few small photo albums (not pictured).

My bedroom has been were I pile all the things that need to be filed, worked on, organized, stored, looked at again, etc. Mike hates these piles. I do not love them either, but I see them as a necessary evil since I do not have a desk anymore. This tall shelving unit from the Freebie Fairy is making my honey very happy as my mess turns to organized chaos.

You may be wondering why I have a computer by bed. That is a Linux Server that Chris and I are working on. We are currently stumped about getting it to work right. Everything is installed, but not everything has the right settings yet.

Tomorrow --- Dining Room and Desk Mess!

Disaster Avoided - Schultz Fire in Flagstaff, AZ

The fire that started Sunday at Schultz Pass in Flagstaff, AZ was too close for comfort for our friends and former neighbors. Our home was directly across highway 89 from the Schultz fire. This video we saw showed our neighborhood smothered in black smoke. I just can't contain the tears as I think of those beautiful forests burning!

My son camped with the scouts in the area where the fire started. We have driven through those gorgeous areas as a family and enjoyed the fresh pine smell. All gone now...

This video passes right by our former home, but you can't see the house because of smoke.

Job Hunting Stinks!

Mike and I have been married nearly 17 years now and I have helped in one way or another financially 8 years out of the 17. My husband is an awesome provider and always works harder than many men I see. Right now, he is working 70 hours a week at the only job he could get after being laid off 18 months ago. We lost one third of our income at that time. I know our story is no worse than many others out there, it is just part of the "fourth turning" we are going through as a nation. (Read "The Fourth Turning" by Strauss and Howe.)

We have had a hard road...going to court 5 times in 15 years over Sam (costing over $20,000 for the 15 years in court/attorney fees - negating any money I received in child support), job losses, student loans, extreme medical bills ($30,000 in two years for one child) have added to our lot in life. We have always had our needs met and have had many luxuries in life - air conditioning, two cars, nice furnishings, etc. Not anything very expensive mind you, but middle of the road quality. I have felt very blessed and cherished as Mike's wife.

Unfortunately, I need to work part-time again. With homeschooling, this makes life a bit stressful and challenging. Many people say to me, "Put your kids back in school and you can work, no problem!" Anyone who really knows me understands that this is not an option for our family. We have a family plan that does not include public school. I am not judging anyone whose children are in public school as it is a great gift for nationwide literacy, it is just not for us.

So, if you know of any decent part-time jobs out there for me...please let me know! I am trying to become a substitute teacher (yeah, I hear your shock after reading the last paragraph). Missouri standards for subs is even lower than Arizona, so I qualify with a minimum of 60 credit hours of college education (I have more, but no Bachelor's degree). Please keep us in your prayers that I will be hired as a substitute teacher, this gives our family the most money for my hours worked and the most flexibility.

Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Time to Post Some Pics!

We are getting settled in and finally have a home phone and Internet hooked up. Today I am getting around to downloading the 200+ pictures on my camera and getting a few posted. Finally!

We lived in a couple of different hotels for a week before finding a home. We looked at several homes, but everything had cats (Celeste is allergic) or smokers (Christian's asthma can't take that)...so we went with a brand new duplex home instead. It is a comfortable 1600 sq. ft. Our only complaints are that we share a wall and there is no fenced yard. In the mid-west only a few have fenced yards. The ward is super nice. When I hear about people from "the West" being rude (No offense! I'm one of those rude westerners, too) I now know what they are talking about. I guess you have to have something to compare to understand.

Odd Things

• People drive SUPER fast on skinny little farm roads that have no shoulder. You have the white line and then a grassy ditch. I've had several people fly past me going 70 mph in a no passing zone. Yikes! Marlayna is nervous now about getting her permit after seeing how people drive here. I thought Arizona, California, and Utah had bad drivers...but Missouri drivers take the cake in this area.
• No Mountains. I didn't realize how much I rely on visual clues to know where I am. In the Phoenix area, the valley is surrounded by mountains and you can judge where you are by which set of mountains you are by. In Flagstaff, it is pretty obvious with the large San Fransisco Peaks. Here...no mountains and I'm directionally challenged now! Thank goodness my van has a digital compass or I would be REALLY lost.

So far, we are loving it! Enjoy the slideshow of what we've been up to the past couple of weeks.

Missouri Move

We started our move last Saturday and just might make it into our new home by tomorrow (Saturday). We had an uneventful trip to the midde USA, with great weather and no mechanical problems. Yeah! Once we arived in MO, the time to find a house was short. We had a few choices lined up and chose the one I had a feeling we would pick all along, simply because it is new and has had NO CATS. We saw several homes that were beautiful on the outside and just sickening on the inside. Why are people so dirty? The smell of cat urine would just knock me over. My family really wanted land again like we had in Flagstaff, but it is just not going to happen this time. The house was supposed to be ready on April 1st, but it was not. We moved to a different hotel with bigger beds (the first one had double beds) and I'm standing in the laundry facility doing load after load of laundry in those tiny condo sized stackable washer and dryer sets. Luckily, the laundry facility is free here at this hotel. Score! Not to mention they have computers in here so I can blog, answer email, and check Facebook.

The only down side...it is now raining and we might have to unload our stuff in the rain. And, having the Penske truck another day costs $100 (per day). No, the landlord will not pick up the tab on that one (We already tried.) In all, a very good trip!

Progress...It's Something Anyway

I am so HAPPY that I am finally making progress.

• My antibiotics are done and I can start on probiotics to make sure I do not get Candida.
• I can breathe enough to do a little bit of work at a time without coughing up a half a lung.
• Deep breaths only hurt a little.
• I don't need the Albuterol inhaler anymore.
• The kids are helping a ton with meal prep, cleaning, and packing while still getting their core education work done.

Whoo! Hoo! I was able to get some things done towards moving.

• Nine more boxes were packed today. (Thanks kids for doing all the heavy lifting.)
• I washed all of the windows on the inside and half on the outside.
• I washed all the curtains, ironed them (yes, I iron once in awhile), and hung them back up. (They are the ugliest shears and curtains in the world, but they belong with the house.)

Now I am too exhausted to do any more today. Thank goodness Marlayna made dinner tonight - yummy chicken stir-fry and fried rice. I feel good that I'm getting back on track. Less than two weeks to go before we head off to Missouri. Let's just hope I did not over do it today and end up in bed tomorrow.

10 Days Sick and Counting

I know...I'm a big BAWL BABY and complaining about being sick still. This is seriously the sickest I've been in years...at least since I had walking pneumonia a few years ago. I think I pretty much had it again, but I didn't go to the doctor since I don't think I have an infection. There ya have it...too stupid cheap to go to the doctor since we have not met our deductible yet this year.

I was feeling better yesterday and then woke up this morning with a swollen, red, nasty feeling throat and both ears hurting. *sigh* I guess I'm going to continue being sick for a while longer. Time to switch to new herbs and meds for these new symptoms.

Anyway, so I have not posted anything new about homeschooling, packing, or what-not about our lives. Here is the basic run down...

• Still homeschooling even when sick...of course! What else would I be doing?
• Still packing to move in a few weeks...duh!
• The earth still rotates around the sun and the moon still rotates around the earth...wow! Who knew?

I'll have to catch-up on the other stuff some other time. Right now...I'm just surviving and trying to pack while still trying to get over being sick...it's not working very well for me. Go figure?

It's Official...We Are Moving to Missouri

I started this post over a week ago and I'm just now getting it finished. I guess that speaks for itself on how busy we are.

Mike is transferring to Springfield, MO with his job at Schwan's. Mike had three offers for a transfer and we chose the one we feel is the best for our family. When we told the kids, we asked each of them (including Sam) to pray about if the move was right for our family. They each came back with the same answer Mike and I received. This has been a fabulous experience in having faith in our Lord and Savior, that He will provide a way when the time is right. We have known that some day we would move to Missouri and now is the time.

We do not have a home yet. As time gets closer I'm sure we will find just the right place like we always do. We will continue to rent for awhile. We have decided to down-size in order to pay off all our debt (student loans) and gather a larger nest egg of savings. The kids are on-board with downsizing and are happy to comply with the financial plan. I have such great kids who truly "get it".

We have made wonderful friends here in Flagstaff, whom we will miss dearly. Our time here has been a time of growth and experience. For Chris and Marly, it was a stepping stone to learning that they can move and make friends quickly. They have been accepted here and their confidence in themselves has grown. They are a little nervous, which is to be expected, but have great attitudes about this next adventure in our lives.

I am super excited to move away from Arizona. I enjoyed Sacramento, CA and the Houston, TX area when I lived in those places. Although, Texas had an area that we lived in that I hated, so not all my experiences were positive. I have always wanted to move to different areas of the US and experience living in areas different from where I grew up. We are finally getting the chance now that Sam is grown. (For those that do not know, my ex-husband had a court order that I could not live more than 100 miles from him. Which, now that Sam is 18, no longer applies. I'm free! I can't tell you how happy I am to be free...finally!)

Is It Too Late to Change My Mind?

Women are allowed to change their mind...right? I would meet the stereotype for once I guess. LOL! Well, I'm beginning to feel like a lot of my decisions lately are not working out. So...should I change my mind and back out...or stick to it...or admit defeat and say, "I'm sorry, but this was a mistake and I'd like to bow out gracefully." I'm not sure what to do at this point.

Decision #1 - Moving to Flagstaff

Mike loves Flagstaff, the kids like it here, and I tolerate it. Not because of the snow or beautiful trees, but because of the people and the cost of living. I have made MANY good friends here, but the majority of people are complete wackos! I am sick of seeing "I Love OBAMA" and "Obama/Biden" bumper stickers. I'm sick of hearing liberals talk about being open minded and then actually turning out to be unable to listen to any point of view but their own. I'm tired of being called a "Phoenician" and being made fun of because I'm wearing gloves and a heavy coat when they are wearing a sweatshirt.

Don't even get me started on the cost of living here...

I really want to move out of Arizona all together. My biggest problem is that Sam wants to stay in Mesa with her dad, which is where she lives now. It breaks my heart to think of living so far away from her, but she is an adult now and will continue to move towards her own life and away from parents being influential on a daily basis. Letting go has been VERY hard, but I know it is part of parenting, just like potty training and weaning. This is just another major step (the last step really) towards complete independence.

Decision #2 - Foster Parenting

This is probably not a surprise for many of you, but I don't think we are cut out to be a foster family. Not because of the kids, but because of CPS and other agencies that SAY they are about the children and really do not advocate for the children they represent. They are either cynical or accept the status quo of dealing with children as a number rather than a human being. I wanted to help children, but I'm finding that it is so stressful for me to fight for the children that it is causing me to have difficulty dealing with my anxiety problems.

Most of the children we have had in our home have been really good kids with rotten parents. We have had a couple that are so messed up by their parents that I do not see how they will ever live a normal life. It is so tragic that my heart hurts for them, but I cannot save them. No matter how hard I try. They have needs that our family cannot fix and the agencies refuse to get them what they really need. It is so sad.

Decision #3 - Living on Acreage

I have always dreamed of living on a large lot or on acreage....until we had to mow it and shovel it! If we had the money to truly maintain it as it should be maintained, then I can see how it would be advantageous to have at least 1 acre. As it stands now, the land drains our money and energy. Just shoveling the driveway takes all day. We just need the income to buy all the things to make living here easier. When we move we plan on downsizing to a manageable house/lot size.

The only thing I love is not hearing my neighbors. In Queen Creek we could hear our neighbor swearing and beating his kids. So this is definitely an improvement, although a little freaky sometimes because at night it seems like there is nobody around. Spooky!

A New Year...A New Attitude

I have always had a poor attitude. This is something I have worked on every year as far back as I can remember. I had difficulties in my childhood that accounted for some of it, but I also just wonder if this is one of my personal trials -- to work at a cheerful attitude. I thought I had finally worked through it until this past year.

With all that has happened in 2009, it has been a bigger challenge for me than usual to have a positive attitude. We have had unemployment, we lost our Queen Creek home, we moved to a new city for a new job, we became a foster family, and we struggle every month to pay all of our bills even with both of us working (my job is the foster care). I only mention all these things because I know others struggle too. We are all in this together...as the saying goes. No one is untouched by adversity and no one is free of trials. These are some of ours.

I was struggling this past week with knowing my attitude needed an adjustment and searching for the inner will and desire to make the necessary shift in my thinking and my actions. I have not liked myself lately, and I say that purely out of a desire to change, not a "woe is me" attitude. My saving grace came from my church magazines. We are LDS and receive the Ensign and New Era. I typically go to the Ensign first, but in stead turned to the New Era and read an article entitled "Sticking My Neck Out". This sparked the desire I was looking for. I then poured through the Ensign and read "Hold on a Little Longer". I felt this article was directed solely to me. I needed to "Hold on a Little Longer". I have not lost my faith or hope, but I was not working towards having more faith and more hope either. I was just allowing myself to be stagnant.

I know something great is just around the corner for us. I'm not completely sure what it is, but I have my ideas.

Christian's Merit Badges

Switching troops during the life of a scout can be a tricky thing! I do not have the cards for all the merit badges that Christian completed from our old troop. He finished First Aide, Emergency Preparedness and Citizenship in the Community before we moved, three of the "required for Eagle" merit badges.

At scout camp in our new ward, Christian completed: Pioneering, Personal Management, Photography, Bird Studies, Mammal Studies, and Fish and Wildlife Management. With all these, he should have finished his Star. But, we cannot get all the information together to prove it. Kind of a bummer since now he will have to wait until the next Court of Honor (if I can get all the info together or he will need to do them again).

Christian had a great time at camp and came back with a ton of stories. Our new troop has many good qualities. The Court of Honor was out in the woods in a beautiful spot at Shultz Pass. I guess living in the woods brings it close enough to have events like this frequently...and only 15 minutes from home!

The only drawback is some of the discrimination going on (not just in scouts, but in Flagstaff in general). We have been termed "Phoenicians" because we moved up here from the Valley. That term brings with it many derogatory comments about how silly or weird "Phoenicians" are...and since we are considered in that category...well, let's just say there have been some hurt feelings. I fully admit to being shocked by many things in our new environment and making comments about them has brought some of this on us (my mistake). The leaders wonder why my son does not care about scouts anymore and the entire ward is now making comments about how Christian never smiles...well, he used to smile all the time! Maybe they need to look in the mirror to find the source of his unhappiness.

Now What?

Now that I finished my 5 Pillar Certification list (see my last post), I don't know what to do with myself! I typically spend a lot of time during the summer:

• looking for curriculum (our curriculum is already decided)
  
• deciding what to teach the kids next year (already decided)
  
• updating my own web skills (I'm stuck and can't progress)
  
• designing blogs or websites (not interesting anymore)
  
• reading (can still do that)
  
• learning a new skill - like sewing or something (don't have money to start new projects)
  

But, this summer I'm having a hard time finding peace and joy in my typical summer pursuits. I think it is because of our new environment. When we lived in the scorching valley in Queen Creek, the outdoors was not something we ventured out into often during the summer. If we did, it was to swim and then run back home to air conditioning.

Now that we live in the beautiful pines. I want to find things to do outdoors. After all, we will be stuck inside during the winter. Also, we do not have an established circle of friends yet to do things with. We are making friends, but, it has only been 3 months so I can't expect to be invited to everything or for the kids to have best friends yet.

So, I feel that an adjustment in our yearly schedule is coming...the ebb and flow of life is changing for us because we actually have SEASONS now.

We're Moved In!

It has been a crazy few weeks. But, we are finally moved into our new place. The kids have been SO helpful in packing, moving, and unpacking. I couldn't ask for more from Marly and Chris. They are truly learning the value of work and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

I want to thank EVERYONE who helped us move. We had so many arrive to help - family, friends, and ward members - that we were able to meet our goal to leave that night. THANK YOU! And - they did a phenomenal job on packing the truck. I can't believe they got so much in the truck.

We drove up Friday night with blowing snow and slick roads. We took it slow and arrived at 2am, fell into our sleeping bags and air mattresses, and got a meager 4 hours sleep. We awoke to bunnies in our front yard. We think they live in the bush out front since we see them nearly every day. Our dog is a maniac trying to get out to chase them, which she did for several hours the morning we moved in. She is an escape artist and we keep finding her outside the fence and chasing something - bunnies and cats mostly. Our new ward unpacked our truck in one hour! Wow! THANK YOU!

Chris - the Pyro Boy - is loving the wood burning stove. He has been able to light fires in the house...safely! The kids love their spacious rooms and are already unpacked and organized. If only I could say the same for Mike and I - well, Mike is unpacked, but I'm not. I focused on the kitchen, laundry room, pantry, computer nook and living room.

Marly and Chris have started a small farm. Yesterday they bought 9 chicks. We only had 3 last year and that was enough eggs for us most of the time. They are excited to get going with other animals, but we told them they have to build the animals their houses first...they have a shed already here for the chickens that needs just a couple renovations to be ready.

Thank Goodness for 72-Hour Kits!

With the mess and stress of packing for a move three hours away, meals have become a distant memory. I feel guilty that we are basically eating sandwiches and snacking our way through until we are moved. People have offered to bring meals, but I really wanted to just eat what we have in the fridge so I have less to move.

Then - my son reminded me that it is time to rotate the food in our 72-Hour kits over General Conference weekend. They are VERY excited about eating all the things they packed in their kits 6 months ago. SO - I had a brilliant idea and decided to let them eat the things that are expiring out of the kits now rather than wait until Saturday. I shouldn't be surprised how excited they are to open them up. This food is supposed to sustain us, not make us giddy with excitement. But, they are so happy to have Pop Tarts, Ramen (that was eaten up last week), Trail Mix, Capri Sun's, etc. to eat to day while we finish packing the last boxes today. I guess it shows how living on food storage for the last few months has made us excited for what we missed.

Moving North - Well, Further North Than Here

Our trip to Flagstaff was successful in several ways. Not only did we get to see Sunset Crater Volcano and Walnut Canyon, but we found a home to rent. Mike started his new job and even though the hours are kind of long, he is happy with the opportunity. Being out of work for awhile had given us a new perspective.

The home we are moving to is close to 2200 sq. ft. (I think it is more like 2000 sq. ft., but this is what they list it as) and on 1.5 acres of land. There are trees around the house, but the back acre is un-treed making it great for animals. I'll post pics after we move in. Of course, it will be prettier in a couple months when it is greener.

The owners are very happy to allow us to have chickens and goats - they even suggested horses but that is out of our price range right now. There are breath-taking views of the peaks that made me catch my breath and think, "Wow! The Savior made such a beautiful world!"

We are so excited! The kids are already making plans of what they can do with that much space. Marly is planning a garden, Chris is planning a bike trail with jumps and some kind of pit that I'm not sure what he has in mind for it, and I am happy to have them run around outside as much as they want until it gets too cold. This is an answer to my prayers as far as homeschooling goes. I have wanted them to have four seasons and room to do as many hands-on projects as our budget will allow. They will have to work more to keep up the animals and property, which is another aspect I think will be good for all of us - less time to think about TV and video games.