Mistake #3 - Give Them Too Much Non-Academic Work

Reference: Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, pages 214-216

"They cannot get to Scholar Phase education if you will not let them." - Leadership Education, page 215

I remember having this problem when I was growing up. I loved reading! It was the highlight of my life in middle and high school. I loved to bring home the maximum number of books from the school library and read all afternoon and evening long. Often, I would go to the library during lunch to exchange my books throughout the week. I was well known in the library and the librarian would often recommend other titles for me to read based on the books I liked. She was probably my most beloved mentor during that period of my life.

At home, I was the oldest of seven children. My parents struggled and my home life was less than ideal. My mother often suffered from depression and would lock herself in her room once I got home from school. From the time I got home until my father came home (sometimes until I went to bed) I was in charge. The burden of parenting fell on my shoulders often and my beloved books, and often my homework, would have to wait. There were times when I was told to "stop wasting my time reading books" and "get up off my butt and help the family." Another favorite of my father's was to "stop hiding" in my books. My childhood was shortened and my responsibility towards the family dominated my life until I left home at an early age.

My story is extreme, but it happens to a lesser extent in many homes.

"Young people who read all day are not lazy. They are students. And it is tempting to want to help them "balance" their lives. But compared to the non-scholar generation they are living in, and the level of leadership that will be required to face upcoming generational challenges, these few youth are the "balance". And we need thousands more to achieve a good balance. There are only a few of them in America, it is true, but there should be more. And if you happen to have one in your home, or three or four, you have done something right. But do not shut them down. Let them do it!" - Leadership Education, page 216

Because of my own experience, I do not think I have done this to my children. Even when we had foster children with severe emotional and behavioral needs, I worked hard to limit my dependency on my older children to help. That does not mean that they didn't help, because they did (they need to mentor others some of the time), but if I could do it myself...I did it myself. It is tempting to ask them to help often, they are so handy to have around!

We did have our children mentor the foster children at times, paying special attention to Structure Time not Content. During our official study hours, I did not ask my children to help the younger children. During non-study times, they were sometimes asked to mentor a younger child in getting ready, picking out clothes, playing games, eating their food, etc. My main focus was not to burden my children with what is my responsibility.

Note: You may be wondering about other types non-academic work...we'll talk about that in the next few posts.